I really don't like HMV

The time has come that I tell it like it is vis-a-vis the music retailer, HMV. For a long time now I have been growing increasingly dissatisfied with the ability to buy audio products on the High Street. Aside from HMV's crappiness, there is a distinct lack of good shops in which to buy cds. Note: cds. I am sure there are loads of places to shop if you are a snobby moron who listens to records, not cd, because oh man it's the only way to do it. I'm sorry, but they are big, they are old, the sound quality isn't as good. Fair enough enjoy your records for some old stuff but hello it's 2010 and the world moved on like over 15 years ago. And I bet you all these recordites are funding apple and illegally downloading cause how else would they be listening to music out of the house? Ripping each record to mp3s individually? Yeah, sure. Anyway, I don't think there is any point in buying records. I hate bands who do record only singles - THANKS IDIOTS. I also don't like downloading music, wheres the sleeve, and what happens when your computer decides it's just too much in this world for the third time this year? It's bye bye downloads time. Yes I have an external hard drive. No I don't update it every day. I don't like downloads, I like cds. Now that we have this covered I can tell you there is basically no where to buy cds. I live in Glasgow. When I moved to Glasgow I could list these great places to buy cds:
Music Zone (I think it was called) - basically above McDonalds on Sauchiehall Street, lots of cds and dvds always decent prices, good staff.
Virgin Megastore - giant selection, prices ok kind of hit or miss but they WOULD invariably have what you were after, student discount and good staff.
Fopp - used to be SO COOL, good cds for £7, £5, £3 a decent alternative selection outwith the perpetual sale and good staff.
Avalanche - really really great shop, had a lot of alternative cds and very good second hand area they used to even put the second hand in with the new so you could search it that way easily, if they didn't have it you could order it and the guys were so helpful, knowledgeable. It used to be brilliant.

Now, Music Zone is gone, Virgin became Zavvi which spewed gift cards, bit the dust, and became a weird online sort of retailer, Fopp is now HMV and seems to have been rather marginalised (of which will be discussed later) and Avalanche apparently has new owners, the second hand is muddled and if they don't have something they wont order it they are just like SORRY, BYE. thanks. So after this what do you have: HMV.

HMV has pretty much 100% of the cd sales market in the city of Glasgow and they have become really, badly arrogant.

Firstly, as you may have noticed in my old list of retaillers, all had good staff as a feature. This is something HMV is so far from ever having. All the staff in HMV seem to be metallers. Girls with black hair, black eyes, black lips and peirced everythings who are often always overweight with giant breasts it seems. Guys with black hair, jeans that sit not on the waist, not on the hips but no, on the PENIS, so you can see all of their creepy underwear and they are also heavily peirced with those freakish i've got a hole in my ear lobe you could stick your fist through earrings which make me want to be sick then die. I'm pretty sure getting a job at HMV on tills is like this: 1. Write a cv with nothing on it but a cover letter stating "oh man i am so passionate about music its like MY LIFE, yknow?". 2. Go to the interview dressed like a goth and walk in with your earphones in. 3. Get the job and then act like a perpetual sore arse for the rest of your working days.

Here are two recent (last 3 days) customer experiences of HMV for me.
Firstly in the Buchanan Street HMV (which used to be the sacred Virgin megastore and now is tit central) I was in with my Mum who was buying two cds, we found them and went to the tills beside the rock/pop stands. At the far end of the tills one of the above described girls stood with one of the above described guys. We hovered for a moment, they didn't give any indication they cared, so we approached the end of the till they were at. The girl then looks up and goes, "actually its at this till up here" signalling to the other end of the tills, and buggars off. We follow, then she takes the items and scans them and bags them, no eye contact, constant scowl. "£19.98" she spits at us, staring with a face like someone just told her she was a fat gothic loser straight up. So we pay then she hands the back to Mum and walks away. Like we are actually the bane of her life and should be dead. I have worked in retail so if you are thinking "yeah, but some customers..." then don't bother, I'm not a bad customer... unless I am given reason to be.

Second Example: In the HMV store at Glasgow Fort shopping centre in Easterhouse. We go in and I find the dvd I am after then take it to the till. Guy (above description still applicable) says "next" we approach hand dvd he scans and bags. I ask "hmv doesn't do student discount, does it?" he replies "no, it does a loyalty card instead which replaced it" I say "ah, I remember always coming in and they said they did do student discount but were all out of cards or something before..." "yeah, they used to only get a certain amount of cards, I used to work in Dundee and there was a big student population but only like a hundred student cards for them..." "Ah I see". At this point I pay and all is well. Had it been "ok, thanks bye" I probably wouldn't be writing this blog. So I said nothing then the guy goes "infact, a lot of people get very uppity when i say there is no studnet discount" I say nothing "I mean your not, but some people are like 'why not?' and i'm like well to be honest why SHOULD you get it? Im a student, and why should there be a discount? what makes YOU deserve it? It's not like you do anything for it? Some people get really uppity but they shouldn't have the reason to, why should HMV do student discount??!" So he spews forth this insane tirade and i merely respond "well I guess they dont need to but it would be frustrating if some people could get the discount and others not cause they ran out of cards..." to which he responds by using they "yer, but-" and reitarating the whole line of his arguement again. By which point i have the product in bag, change and receipt and stuart is shuffling away from the counter with his hand on my arm. "ok bye" i say and leg it. what a maniac. and he had those earring things but not in so his earlobe looked like a floppy piece of leerdammer cheese.

So thats been covered: HMV has bad staff and bad customer service. Here's what else I hate: Poor stock, Poor Prices. The stock in HMV is so geared towards current pop culture and whats "in". If I wanted whats in the charts I would go to WHSmiths, not HMV. They have a GIANT store on Buchanan Street yet instead of putting varied music in it they stuff it with stupid boutique style "im so unique i wear a led zep t shirt" type clothing and rows of cult books about bands and teenage character crises. Not only that but the stuff you do find to buy is insanely priced. Sometimes the cd is 3 for £20 or £12 each or something so you have to take all f-ing day finding 2 other cds or wasting all the money and based on their products that can be very hard. Basically you traul all the best ofs to see what you dont have. Other times you go and look at an old album you need to get or replace to find its like £17.99. £17.99 for a cd that was out like 4 years ago and the band isn't particularly popular? WTF? It really is hit or miss and the worst thing is there is no competition so they can basically do what the fuck they like knowing some people don't like to shop online and then it MUST be HMV or bust. I used to go to Argyll street and go in hmv then virgin and compare and buy the cheapest. Can't do that now. More often than not with HMV i come out not having seen the cd I'm after or having decided to put that £20 towards my pension than bankrupt myself trying to buy all my music at HMV.

As if this wasn't enough while you are in there dealing with these awful circumstances, the context of your visit it always marred with some ridiculously loud, bone chilling, migraine inducing drum and bass type moron music, forced into your ears at ridiculously loud levels. I find it an anomoly that in terms of hiring HMV opts for gothic/metaller types yet in terms of the sound track to its stores it chooses the kind of music that people with cheap cars yet expensive sound systems play at 1am on a tuesday morning driving by my flat.

Finally I must comment on the alternative. If you do some how find the cds you want but just cant face going into the hell hole that HMV is you can always shop online. You can always select seasons 4, 5, 6 and 7 of the west wing online, have seasons 5, 6 and 7 delivered in a week then wait for A MONTH for season 4 because they are having bother with their supplier. Note: this really means we have run out of that item for the offer that was on the website. To buy a copy direct for you would lose us money, even though its our oversight, and we would rather gently prompt you to cancel your order with us even though it is that season which is preventing you from watching the other 3 you bought. Stuarts advice: NEVER GIVE IN. Create a fuss and screw them out of money by thier own ineptitude. MORONS.

Yes, morons indeed. I really do hate HMV. Its probably only still viable because all the competition happened to go bust first. From now on its play.com all the way for me - screw you HMV!! The end.