Monday 25 October 2010

viruses are gay

I seriously cannot stand being sick. being ill. being unwell. being poisoned. even being that annoyingly childish and english term, poorly.

Every year, without fail, I get ill. And by ill I mean either a) the flu b) some sort of/combination of infections (be it urinary, chest, kidney etc etc) or c) the imfamous virus. Of course I get the minor ailments we all get, colds, upset stomachs, being run down, rashes and the like throughout but I also seem prone to these epic, flooring illnesses which I bet some snotty child passed onto me.

Just now it's a "virus" (which is the doctor term for I don't know what's wrong with you, but it sucks). It's always a fever (or temperature whatever), it's often a messed up bowel, sometimes cough/runny nose/sore throat/sinus bother, always hot and cold periods, sometimes achey, ALWAYS NAUSEA. Always.

If there is one thing I just cant stand it's nausea. If there is one thing worse it is actually being sick. Since I was young I have hated it and gradually I have developed a paranoid fear of throwing up. I think it probably started when I was young and my brother went through a period where he was physically sick a lot. It probably was only a few stomach bugs he had or something but you always make things seem a lot longer, or more dramatic when your young. My bedroom door was right opposite the bathroom door in the house and anytime anyone was sick I could hear it and I couldn't stand it.

I remember feeling sick and sitting in the study/spare room in the house on this old sofa which was really bulky and round with very firm cushions bound tightly. I sat upright with a duvet on this sofa because I was scared if I lay down I would feel more sick. I fell asleep upright.

I remember if I was ever in my own bed feeling sick I would distract myself from it by imagining riding horses in a riding lesson (which I did when I was young) I would choose the horse and play out the exact sequence of the lesson in my imagination to quell it.

I remember not vomiting for about 3 years straight and bragging about that record which would be broken only days later.

I know its all psychological but I can't stand it and I can't stand other people and I can't stand tv protrayals either.

Aside from that being unwell in any degree is just totally depressing. You think that it seems fun, not having to work/study/whatever, being able to just watch tv, read, do nothing, and sleep during the day. It's never like that though. Maybe it is for other people but I hate it and would rather be working any day. Watching tv is depressing because its either your sensitive to sound and its too loud, or the distraction isn't enough and your too shit to watch it so you just have to sleep it off. Reading is only likely if you feel up to it and even then reading for ten minutes tires you out so much that you feel ten times worse. Sleeping is ok if it makes you feel better but it either makes you feel worse (ie lying down with a cold, being unable to breathe) after or you end up sleeping away four days of your life with nothing to show for it only that you can wear clothes that aren't pyjamas again. You probably cant eat properly either. Take just now for example, this "virus" I have means I can only eat the following food: bread; pasta; rice; crackers; bananas; potatoes. And you can only eat them if you dont already feel so nauseous that the mere thought of a banana makes you gag. Also, who wants to eat plain pasta? I hate carbhydrates so much. When I feel a little better I have these immense cravings for a giant steak. Which I cant have. Of course I can have liquids, joy of joys. You have to drink LOADS of liquids for some reason, even though it makes you pee like every 10 minutes so you have to get up off the sofa and stumble dizzy like through the house which in turn makes you nauseous again and the giant steak seems like hell itself.

There is literally nothing good about being ill. I defy you to tell me I'm wrong.

I hate it so much and I just want to be better.

I know this was a very depressing and whiney blog but I'm sick so I don't care.

Also.. why does my body decide that NOW is the perfect time to plague me with the hiccups every bloody hour?

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