Thursday 18 November 2010

haw bobo... elvis just scored

The alternative title is "male bonding?".

My dear husband came home from football training last night and had a bath. I asked him if he had a good time and he was dicussing what happened when he mentions that "taz" took the cardio training part. "taz?" i asked. What kind of a name is Taz? Of course, I should have known. This is a bunch of men, from the West of Scotland, who congrogate to train for an amatuer football league. Other information to mention is that where Stuart comes from most of the men base the majority of their lives around football, and on the days of their matches many of these men are hungover and smoke on the sidelines at half time.

It turns out that Taz was not the whole story. Taz isn't the captain but he is the vice captain or whatever. I ask more and find out that Taz comes with a Baz. Taz and Baz, football kings. This is fairly funny to me so I ask what the other ones are called. He goes through those on his side this week. Of course there is Coyle - who I know as Martin, because you see in the real world we call eachother by our first names -, Baz was on his team, so were Rab and Jimmy. And the other side?

"Taz, Bobo, Elvis..." Stuart starts.

Hang on one wee minute here... Taz... BOBO... E L V I S? Say what? The king isn't dead. And Mr Burn's teddy bear from the simpsons now resides in Coatbridge?

"...oh and Boulder".

Boulder? WHAT THE FUCK? The guy is called Boulder. I think about it:

"Is he a big guy then?"

Stuart: "No".

"Ah, a small guy... it's ironic"

"No."

Oooookay. So aside from these stunningly named chaps I inquire as to the rest of the team who don't attend training. There is Rick, whose name is so boring to me at this point, and Manus. Of course, Manus is his last name, well his last name is McManus but for the sake of male bonding it is shortened: Manus. This is followed with Clark-y and Ford-y. Seriously if you ever want someone you know to know they are your pal but that your definately still have testicles, just add a y to the end of their name. If their name already ends in a y? Try Breezeblock, or Forklift (size need not matter).

I was getting quite into the swing of it then so I started my own suggestions: Was there a guy named Jonesy? What about Steve-o or John-o? YES, there is indeed one called Hanso - this reminded me of Funzo. There is Bobo, is there Rolo? What about Bovril? Big Pieman, Fat somebody? Oh of course, Chubber from school. Big Boaby? Is there a Big Boaby? There's got to be a BIG BOABY?! Apparently not. Prince? Shaking Stevens? How about Pebble, to go with Boulder? And while we're at it bam-bam, I bet him and bobo are thick as theives!

Stuart was kind of wanting to get back to his bath at this point so I retreated with these names intact smiling like the doofus I am.

"I'm going to write Bobben's oh so middle class take on male bonding and football related names" I said.

Poor Stuart.

But seriously, ELVIS???

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